Will you look at how long it takes for this Alka-Seltzer to dissolve in my water glass?

Now I wouldn't say this Alka-Seltzer is old...
How old is it?
I wouldn't say this Alka-Seltzer is old, but the two tablets are made of stone.


I say I say I wouldn't say this Alka-Seltzer is old...
How old is it?
I wouldn't say this Alka-Seltzer is old, but its original ad campaign was "Oh! That's a spicy dinosaur meatball!"


I wouldn't say this Alka-Seltzer is old...
How old is it?
I wouldn't say this Alka-Seltzer is old, but drop it in water and you'll hear "Plopth Plopth Fizzth Fizzth!"


Your momma is so fat...
Wait? What about my mother?
Dude, relax. I said 'Alka-Seltzer.'
You said, 'Your Alka-Seltzer is so fat...?'
Right.


Anyway I wouldn't say this Alka-Seltzer is old...
How old is it?
I wouldn't say this Alka-Seltzer is old, but it only cost two Confederate dollars.


So I wouldn't say this Alka-Seltzer is old...
How old is it?
I wouldn't say this Alka-Seltzer is old, but they're shaped like rocks.
Were they shaped like rocks because the wheel wasn't invented back then?
Right.


I wouldn't say this Alka-Seltzer is old...
How old is it?
I wouldn't say this Alka-Seltzer is old, but the instructions read, "Just add water...when water is discovered."


I wouldn't say this Alka-Seltzer is old...
How old is it?
I wouldn't say this Alka-Seltzer is old but, wait, hang on, ok, never mind, it finally dissolved.