Broccoli Jokes 2008

File Under: Salad Jokes, Broccoli Jokes


A father tries everything to get his son to eat his broccoli. He tells the boy about the nutritional value of broccoli and how good for you it is to eat it, but the boy won't budge. The father uses Jessica Seinfeld’s cookbook, Deceptively Delicious: Simple Secrets to Get Your Kids Eating Good Food, to bake broccoli Hostess SnoBalls. The son glady eats the coconut and marshmallow-covered chocolate cake, but leaves behind the broccoli cream filling. Then the father does a third thing, and that fails. Finally, the father confronts his child, and asks him, "Son, why won't you eat your broccoli?" The son goes, "Dad, for the last time, that's not broccoli. It's really old cauliflower."

A pair of broccoli are on their honeymoon and the bride says, "Honey, finally we're in our hotel suite, and we're married. As your wife, what do you want me to do to you first?" The groom smiles, and says, "69! 69!" And the bride goes, "You want me with beef in ginger sauce?"

A giant piece of broccoli and three carrots are trapped inside a double boiler. "Oh, no," says the broccoli, "The stove is lit!" A tough carrot says, "Don't worry. Us carrots will escape from this here double boiler and then come back and save you broccoli later." So the broccoli agrees and the carrots huddle up and launch themselves out of the pot. The carrots celebrate by having a beer. Three beers later, a carrot is lighting his fart and accidently lights the broccoli's dog on fire. The tough carrot goes, "Oh, no, we forget about the broccoli!" So, the carrots put down their beer and run back to the double boiler and open the lid. "Broccoli, we are so sorry that we forgot you. Also, we accidently lit your dog on fire. You must be angry." "'Angry?!'" replies the broccoli. "I'm steamed!"

A mom and her bored child are leaving the busy supermarket, when suddenly the mother says, "I forgot to buy broccoli rabe. I forgot two rabe, broccoli." And her kid goes, "Who wants to rob broccoli?" The mother replies, "That's funny. Can I use that?"
Submitted by Mrs. Nicholas Way, Bloomfield, NJ

Why did the Governor install the electric chair in the vegetable garden inside the local prison?
Governor prefers his broccoli stir-fried.

Knock, Knock.
Who's there?
Jean de Florette.
Jean de Florette who?
Gene, do florets taste better butter-steamed?

Two pieces of broccoli catch each other's eyes outside the old windmill in the park. One says, "You are a hottie! You know what caught my eye about you?" The other says, "Is it my floret?" "No." "Is it sexy flowers in my head?" "No." "Then what is it?" The first piece of broccoli says, "I like your round girthy thick stem. You're long and green, and it drives me nuts." The other broccoli goes, "What are you, a 'stalker'?"