The Phone Books Are Coming! The Phone Books Are Coming!

It's that time of the year again. Yes, the new phone books are here!


With the new phone books, you can:
- ORDER PIZZAS
- CALL TAXIS
- STALK WOMEN


That's not the only three things you can do with a phone book. You can also:
- Recreate that scene of The Jerk with Steve Martin
- Absorb any unannounced domestic flooding
- Rip in half to impress stalkable women


Don't take our word for it, here's actual testimonies:
"If I look closely at the names and numbers, I can decode messages from the Knights Templar, just like in dem Nicolas Cage movies."
- A. Hillbilly, Branson, MO


"It's like my cell phone's directory assistance, but it's untraceable and I don't have to talk to no out-sourced Indian."
- A. Hillbilly, Jr., Hollister, MO


"Something something stalking women."
- J. Callback, Funnier In Threes, NV


Pages Color-Coded For Convenience: White, Yellow, Blue, Pink. Not that there's anything wrong with that.


MAPS TO CITY HALL AND THE PUBLIC LIBRARY AND HOW TO GET TO CITY HALL FROM THE PUBLIC LIBRARY AND VICE VERSA.


PLUS: PIZZA HUT COUPONS!