Crank Calls to God

Ring Ring
- Hello, God speaking.
- Uh yeah, hi. Is your refrigerator running?
- Dennis Connelly, is that you?
Click

Ring, ring.
- Hello.
- Hi, God?
- Yes?
- Are there bowling alleys in Heaven?
- Yes there are, my son.
- And in those bowling alleys, do you have 15-pound balls?
- Yes I do, my son.
- Really, 15-pound balls? How do you walk? [Laughter]
- Is this Dennis Connelly again?
Click.

Ring.
- Digame.
- Hello. Is this God?
- Yes.
- Do you have Prince Albert in a can?
- Dennis, Prince Albert pipe tobacco hasn't been popular in sixty years. I at least expect something better from you than that.
- Uh...Howard Stern rules!
Click

Ring
- What is it, Dennis?
- I'm looking for a friend. Should be there in Heaven. Last name "Pid," first name "Stu."
-Let me check. [drops phones] [yelling] Is "Stu Pid" there? I'm looking for someone "Stu Pid."
[Angels laughing]
- Hey, wait a minute! Dennis!
- [Laughter]
Click

Ring Ring
- Yello?
- God this is Dennis. I hope we can still be friends, even after all those crank calls.
- It's OK, Dennis. As God, I forgive everyone.
- So...you like everyone?
- Yes, my son.
- Even Mike Hunt?
- Yes, my son.
- If you like Mike Hunt so much, why don't you say it. Say that you like him.
- OK, "I like Mike Hunt." Hey, wait a minute!
- [Laughter]
Click

Ring, Ring.
- This is God.
- [Heavy Breathing]
- Who is this?
- [Heavy Breathing]
- I know who you are. I have caller ID!
- [Heavy Breathing stops]
Click.

(c) 2008 Mike Spiegelman