Superman's Top Three Jerk Moves, By Anonymous Boy Photographer

#3
Int. PERRY WHITE's office of the Daily Planet

CLARK KENT
Guys, I need to step out for a minute. I should be back before Superman arrives.

CLARK KENT leaves through office door.
Enter SUPERMAN through window.

SUPERMAN
Hi guys! Where's Clark?

LOIS LANE
He had to step out but will be right back.

SUPERMAN
What? No! [Smashes PERRY WHITE's desk] Dammit! [Smacks office globe into bookcase] Every time I arrive, Clark's never here! [Sets garbage can on fire using laser beam eyes] Arrgh!

SUPERMAN exits through wall.
CLARK enters.

CLARK KENT
Hi guys...holy cats! What happened?

JIMMY OLSEN
Superman was acting like a dick.

CLARK KENT
Bet you wouldn't say that to Superman's face, tough guy.

#2
Ext. Outside the Daily Planet building
JIMMY OLSEN crying.
SUPERMAN flies over.

SUPERMAN
I descended from the heavens when I heard a grown man crying.

JIMMY OLSEN
Our office dog died. Can't you fly against the earth's orbit and go back in time before Daily Puppy got hit by a car?

SUPERMAN
Yeah, I could, but I don't wanna.

JIMMY OLSEN
[thinking] You dick.

SUPERMAN
Clark said you had something to say to my face? No, nothing? Yeah, I thought so. You know I can hear your thoughts, right?

SUPERMAN kicks sand in JIMMY's eyes.

#1
Int. PERRY WHITE's office.
Enter PERRY and his rival but longtime friend, J. JONAH JAMESON. Both MEN abruptly halt. The gory corpse of SPIDER-MAN litters the office. A barely conscious JIMMY OLSEN sits up, covered in blood.

JIMMY OLSEN
Where am I?

PERRY WHITE
Great Caesar's ghost!

J. JONAH JAMESON
Jumping jazz!

PERRY WHITE
By Odin's beard!

J. JONAH JAMESON
*HRUMPH*!

PERRY WHITE
Thorny milk thistle clusters!

J. JONAH JAMESON
Diet cola!

JIMMY OLSEN
Where am I?