DEADLY GAME OF CAT AND MOUSE

INT. A MAZE. The maze is a metaphor.

MOUSE:
Left, right, forward, or backward?

CAT:
Snicker.

MOUSE:
I hear you but can't see you.

CAT:
I hear you and can see you. Also.

MOUSE:
Who is that?

CAT:
Your archenemy.

MOUSE:
You're the arrow that got me in here in the first place?

CAT:
No, I'm the cat.

MOUSE:
Cat? WTF?

CAT:
I'm the hunter. You're the...

MOUSE:
Perhaps. Perhaps I'm the hunter and you are the other guys.

CAT:
I am chasing you, not you're chasing me.

MOUSE:
Are you? Am I?

CAT:
I'm in so deep. Even my wife don't know if I'm mouse or cat.

MOUSE:
Snicker.

CAT:
I see your every move.

MOUSE:
I see your every move to my every move.

CAT:
Don't be contrary.

MOUSE:

Shut up.

CAT:
I shake my fist at you. MOUSE!

MOUSE:
What?

CAT:
The game is afoot.

MOUSE:
"Afoot?" Speak English. LOL.

CAT:
This isn't a joke. It's a game.

MOUSE:
A life-affirming game?

CAT:
No, a deadly game.

MOUSE:
Amongst whom?

CAT:

Between. A deadly game between cat and mouse.

MOUSE:
That doesn't sound original.

CAT:
"A deadly game between cat and mouse" doesn't sound original?

MOUSE:
Google it.

CAT:
You Google it.

MOUSE:
Shall we play a deadly game of Hot Potato instead?

CAT:
Must it be hot?

MOUSE:
What? The potato?

CAT:
Describe the potato.

MOUSE:
It's a potato. I am mashing it.

CAT:
Use a food mill.

MOUSE:
I have a potato masher.

CAT:
A food mill works better.

MOUSE:
But a potato masher mashes potatoes.

CAT:
You can't escape me.

MOUSE:
You can't catch me.

CAT:
Keep talking. I'm tracing your call.

MOUSE:
Using what?

CAT:
My hand. I'm using a turkey hand tracer.

MOUSE:
I see you through my sniper scope.

CAT:
That's extreme.

MOUSE:
I lost my binoculars.

CAT:
I have them.

MOUSE:
This deadly game is between you and me. The binoculars are innocent.

CAT:
Are they?

MOUSE:
Yes.

BINOCULARS:
Am I?

CAT:
Our existence is to chase.

MOUSE:
A deadly game.

CAT:
How come?

MOUSE:
When the chase ends, we cease to exist.

CAT:
Totes?

MOUSE:
Totes.

CAT:
Don't be ridic.

MOUSE:
Don't TTH.

CAT:
I'm not Trying Too Hard.

MOUSE:
I'm rubber and you're glue. Whatever you say bounces off of me and you're glue.

CAT:
No, you're glue.

MOUSE:
No, you're glue.

CAT:
No, your glue.

MOUSE:
I was looking for that glue.

CAT:
You exist under my shadow.

MOUSE:
I exist with or without your shadow. You cannot exist without mine.

CAT:
A bit harsh.

MOUSE:
Deal with it.

CAT:
Bring it.

MOUSE:
I'll bring some.

CAT:
Bring it on.

MOUSE:
Bring it on again.

CAT:
Bring it on: all or nothing.

MOUSE:
Bring it on: in it to win it.

CAT:
Bring it on: fight to the finish.

MOUSE:
Bring it on: the television series.

CAT:
Touché.

MOUSE:
There's not a moment to lose! Throw me the money!

CAT:
It's a matter of time until I catch you.

MOUSE:
It's a matter of time until I evade you.

CAT:
You can't evade me forever.

MOUSE:
You can't catch me forever.

CAT:
Explain.

MOUSE:
You can only catch me once, while I can evade you forever.

CAT:
This is my maze.

MOUSE:
This is my maze.

CAT:
This is our maze.

MOUSE:
And you're hunting me?

CAT:
You're hunted.

MOUSE:

"You're hunted?"

CAT:
My catchphrase.

MOUSE:
Eh.

BINOCULARS:
Trite.

CAT:
You may run but you cannot hide.

MOUSE:
OK.

CAT:
@mouse ur hunted.

MOUSE:
No. RT @cat @mouse ur hunted.

CAT:
This maze will consume you, like...

MOUSE:
...left-over office cake?

CAT:
Quit it.

MOUSE:
This maze will consume me, like a teenager with a credit card?

CAT:
Cut it out.

MOUSE:
...like samples at Sam's Club.

CAT:
Not everything has to be a bit.