1. Hey.
2. Hey!
3. Hey you.
4. 'Sup?
5. What's up?
6. What is up?
7. Back at you.
8. I was just thinking about you.
9. Have you lost weight?
10. What's your full name, so I can put it in my iPhone?
11. Guy!
12. Big Guy!
13. Guy-a-rino!
14. Pal!
15. Pal-o!
16. Dude.
17. Dude?
18. Dude!
19. Du-ude!
20. Long time no see!
21. Look who the cat dragged in.
22. You again?
23. High five!
24. No way, it's you!
25. You probably don't remember my name. That's OK, it's Mike Spiegelman.
26. That's what she said!
27. Can I bum a smoke?
28. Was it you that told me that thing?
29. It's you.
30. Get out of town, it's you.
31. Shut up, it's you.
32. Shut your yap.
33. What?
34. How's it going?
35. Got a dollar? Pay you back.
36. [Nod.]
37. My brother from another mother!
38. My sister from another mister!
39. My cousin from another family!
40. Go, [local sports franchise]!
41. You holding?
42. Shut up already.
43. "Hey" is for horses.
44. Remember when we... I'll tell you later.
45. How could you forget my birthday?
46. Whatever.
47. Speak of the devil.
48. Whazzup!
49. Wasabi!
50. Did you ever follow up about what I was saying before?
51. Don't you hate it when people forget your name?
52. Did you ever, you know, with you-know-who?
53. Is there an Applebee's nearby? Craving me some Applebee's.
54. [Click tongue, make gun gesture.]
55. I've got a comedy show this Tuesday, you should check it out.
56. "Hey?" Oh, that's like that line in that movie I just saw.
57. Can't talk, gotta take a leak!
58. I'm on the phone.
59. Nice.
60. Okay...
61. Go "hey" yourself.
62. What. What? What!
63. Oh, it's you, the guy who forgot my name.
64. Hey, are you a fan of live Duran Duran? I've got tickets.
65. Good morning.
66. Good afternoon.
67. Good evening.
68. Good dusk.
69. Good morrow to you, sir.
70. Ma'am.
71. Sire.
72. I'm not talking to you. Last time we met you forgot my name.
73. [Fart.]
74. Steve!
75. Hey, stranger!
76. Stay away from my family.
77. That's right. Keep walking.
78. You're a "hey."
79. Check out my video!
80. Put it here, pal!
81. tl;dr
82. Stop looking at my tits!
83. What do you want?
84. I don't have time for this.
85. I'm on the phone.
86. What's your opinion of people who can't remember your name?
87. Do you smell something?
88. Gimme a hug!
89. Hey. I've been enjoying your posts on Facebook.
90. Is it true you know someone famous?
91. Hey! So nice to talk to someone in person and not online.
92. You know it.
93. Take that back!
94. I'm not in a good mood. Let's talk later.
95. You're not the boss of me.
96. If I had a dime every time I hear "hey"...
97. The rumors were false -- you're alive!
98. You're fired!
99. You're always saying "hey."
100. You're not my mother; you can't tell me what to "hey."
101. Figures you would say "hey."
102. Hey what?
103. Hey, batter, batter, batter!
104. Hey...ho!
105. I missed you.
106. How's tricks?
107. What year is this? Where's my horse and buggy?
108. Yeah, you'd like it if I responded.
109. Did I ever tell you that you're my best friend?
110. Uh-oh, here comes trouble.
111. Well, la-di-da.
112. Hey, how do you spell your first name?
113. I'm still not talking to you.
114. Are you saying "Hey" because you can't remember my name? How rude.
115. I thought we weren't friends.
116. You're a nice guy. NICE GUYS FINISH LAST!
117. Hey. I just saw a mutual friend who tried to gloss over the fact he didn't recall my name. The nerve, right?
118. Hey. What's your phone number?
119. That's right, my name is "Hey." Asshole.
120. Remember that time we... I should shut up, people are listening.
121. I know you forgot my name, so, at the count of three, let's both say our names at the same time.
122. Hey, are you coming to my show?
123. I'm really drunk right now: What's your name again?
124. Hey. You'll have to excuse me if I've forgotten your name, but there's been some recent personal tragedy, and I'm so messed up right now.
125. Hey, I know you!
126. Hey. Here's a flyer for my upcoming show.
127. And you are...?
128. And your name is...?
129. Should I know you?
130. Just give me the gist of what you're saying.
131. I can haz hey?
132. Nice try, asshole.
133. What did you just say?
134. Didn't you hear a word I was saying last time?
135. Did you know "hey" spelled backwards is "yeah"?
136. Was it you who told me about Yo La Tengo?
137. Did you just wake up?
138. Promise me you'll never change.
139. Hey. How's your family, if still applicable?
140. I think you're mistaking me for Joe Piscopo.
141. My boyfriend always says "Hey" too.
142. Who are you again?
143. Where am I?
144. Word.
145. Word is bond.
146. Bond is word. Oops.
147. Are you the barista?
148. My eyes are up here.
149. Shut up.
150. Shut the fuck up.
151. We meet again.
by Mike Spiegelman
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