Time Traveler Jokes

Knock Knock.

Timeloop who?

Timloop.

Who's there?

A time traveler walks into Lucky's Bar, sees Lucky out of sorts.

Time traveler says, "What's the matter?"

The bartender says, "I'm depressed. Sure can go for a joke right now to lift my spirits. Know any?"

"A joke?" says the time traveler. "About what?"

"Anything to cheer me up. Something about this bar, for instance. I don't know. What do you do for a living?"

"I'm a time traveler."

Lucky says, "Then how about, 'A time traveler walks into a bar...'"

"And?" asks the time traveler.

"That's a start of a joke. 'A time traveler walks into a bar.' Surely you can finish it."

"Hmmm, a time traveler walks into a bar. A time traveler walks in a bar."

He thinks out the possible angles, the conflicts, the absurdities, puns, but it was no use. By closing time, the time traveler tells the bartender he couldn't think it of a suitable joke. 

"That's too bad," goes Lucky. "I could had used a good laugh tonight."

This haunts the time traveler so much. He stays up the remaining night and early morning until he came up a decent joke about a time traveler walking into a bar. He really wanted to tell the bartender, but thought it was be even more special to tell Lucky the night before, so the time traveler steps into his time machine, sets it to one night ago at the bar, and presses start. 

The machine arrives to the designation, the time traveler steps outside steps into primordial ooze.

"This is the location of Lucky's Bar, but not the year." says the time traveler.

"Who are you?" says some protozoa. "You sure are funny looking."

"Funny? That reminds me of a joke. A time traveler walks into a bar."

The protozoa say, "Too soon! Too soon!" 

How many time travelers does it four it's always four take to screw in a light bulb?

Why did the time traveler throw a stick of butter out the window?
Wait a minute, what the hell is there a time traveler doing in our kitchen?

Two time travelers meets up in time flux.
One says to the other. "Who was that woman I saw you with last night?"
The other one says, "That was no woman, that was my wife."
- Joke submitted by Audrey Niffenegger.

(Graphic: Microsoft Clip Art)